Igavus tapab vol.2

[DevilDeville]

A Finn and a Swede were having an argument on who's mother tongue was the more beautiful of the two.
As they were unable to reach an agreement, they decided to ask an English linguist to act as a neutral expert judge on the matter.

The renown researcher asked both parties to translate the following verseby Percy Shelley to their respective languages:

Island, island,
Grassy island,
Grassy island's bride.

The Finn answered first. His translation was:

Saari, saari,
Heinäsaari,
Heinäsaaren morsian.

Then came the Swede:

Ö, ö,
Hö ö,
Hö ös mö.

[90Deville]

Tuntud lastelauluke, ärge seda varianti muidugi lastele näidake....
http://www.hot.ee/mikkl/mommu.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[ain]

FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

[mats36]

Kui kedagi huvitab, siis olen silmanud aeg-ajalt Auto24 portaalis oma mineviku Ameerika tõugu liikureid

Hetkel nt üks müügil: http://www.auto24.ee/webcache_kasutatud ... 24_ee.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[ain]

Aednikneeger mõtles, et läheks vanni. Eluaeg lauda taga virtsaveeloigus kümmelnud. Prooviks üks kord ka isanda elujärge. Vann oli isanda vannitoas. Selline valge, läikiv ja päikese käes sillerdav. Harva oli neeger seda vannitoa aknast näinud. Siis kui köögi-Mambana seda puhtaks küüris. Isandat polnud ka täna kodus, ning isanda naine oli oma vastikute valgete jõnglaste ja köögi-Mambanaga turule ostlema läinud. Vanniminekuks paremat võimalust polnud. Kuigi jah Mambanaga oleks ka ju vannis tore trukkida. Nii nagu isand vahel tegi. Siis kui emand jälle turul oli.
Neeger polnud enne vannis käinud, küll aga teadis, et isand enne vanniminekut mingit pulbrit ja mingit valget vedelikku vanni valab ja et vannist alati auru tõuseb, kui sinna vett lasta. Mõeldud tehtud.
Pani neeger sinisest aristokraatide kraanist vannivee jooksma. Punast proletariaadi kraani neeger ei puutu. Kes see ikka töölisklassi vannivett proovida tahab, kui nii harukordne võimalus on. Tumbani jooksis kiiruga kööki. Seal ühes kapis soola kõrval on mingi valge pulber, mida Mambana alati vanni valab.
Pulbriga tagasi vanni juures valab algul õrnalt. Ei mingit auru. Nüüd natuke rohkem. Auru ikka pole. Seejärel läigatab juba vihaga pool pakki sahh vanni. Pritsmeid tõuseb, aga aurust ei midagi. Mambana viib pettunult pooliku paki soodat kööki tagasi ja talle meenub, et jõnglased vahel mingeid valgeid kuubikuid õues togivad, kuni need kuubikud suitsu välja ajades ära kaovad.
Kuubikuid saab ikka isanda veinikeldrist. Jookseb neeger veinikeldrisse ja saabub peagi, kaks ämbritäit juba auravaid valgeid kuubikuid ühes.
Jooksujalu vanni juurde ja valab algul ühe, seejärel teise ämbri vanni. Nüüd hakkab vesi podisema ja auru tõuseb. Vann on valmis. Kiirelt riided seljast ja karmauhh vanni.
Tumbani istub natuke vannis. Külm hakkab. No aga ikkagi mõnus ju. isandal on ju alati nii mõnus. Lamab röötsakil jalad laiali ja pahvib sigarit. Ai kurraaat. Sigar jäi ju isanda kabinetist näppmata. Silksti vannist välja ja padavai isanda kabinetti. Sigar käes ja tagasi. Tikud ka. Sigari ots suhu ja teine ots põlema, ning vanni tagasi.
Ai mõnus. Auru tõuseb ja natuke on vahtu ka juba. Aga ikka külm on. Neeger läheb ikka sinisemaks. Tumbani mõtleb, et noo kui juba siniseks, siis äkki saab ka isandaks. Võtab käega vannipõhjast pulbrit ja hõõrub käe peale natuke. Näe neeger läheb kohe valgemaks. Sigar lendab nurka ja nüüd kohe kahe käega hõõrub end igal poolt pulbriga üle. Tõuseb püsti ja vaatab peeglisse. Isand, mis isand. Valge ja sinine ühekorraga. Enesega rahulolevalt viskab neeger vanni röötsakile ja mõtleb elu on lill.
See tema viimaseks mõtteks jääbki.
Paari tunni pärast koju saabunud Mambana leiab kuiva jää ja soodaga täidetud vannist siniseks kringliks külmunud Tumbani.

[Indrek_S]

..need, kes vanni ei läinud

[ain]

Silt Järve Staroilist - "Hetkel ei tööta kummisurvesti. Remont tellitud, vabandame"
Keelekeenjused

[Koit]

Krt, aga Indreku neegrileidudele vist vastu ei saa

[palumx]

... njah, aga las KKK Haapsalu poisid panevad pildi oma särkidest siia alla....

[Rein]

Mis pildi siia alla, mingu parem oma särkidega selle venna ette

Tuunisin oma LandRoverit veidikene
http://pilt.delfi.ee/my_picture/4771258/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[90Deville]

Heh, polnud probleemi antud särgiga miilitsas käia, pole probla ka animeeritud neegeri ette astuda...tavaline 12kroonine pöks pähe ja
asi unustatud!

[Koit]

Lapsed peavad kirjanduse tunnis kirjutama kirjanid, teemal: "Mul on ainult üks ema" Kõik lpased hakkavad kirjutama, kes kuidas. Kes räägib armastusest: ema armastab mind kõige rohkem maailmas....mul on ainult üks ema. Kes kirjutab: Emaga käisime loomaaias, seal oli hästi tore....mul on ainult üks ema. Kes kirjutab: Panime emaga koos ühe lille kasvama..hästi ilusa...mul on ainult üks ema!

Aga Juku: Tulin koolist koju, tegin külmkapi lahti, seal oli kaks õlut...rüüpasin ühe kiirelt sisse...teises toas oli räiges pohmellis ema, kes karjus: JUKUUU toooo mulleeee kaaa üks õlu!!!! Juku vastas: "Mul on ainult üks, ema"

[Koit]

Kuulake seda: Kuidas kutsutakse neegrit, kes on lõpetanud Harvardi ülikooli???


NEEGER<<< Miks peaks seda üldse teisiti kutsuma???

[mats36]

[90Deville]

Nonii, täna sai siis neeger f1 meistriks, ja ilmselt paari päeva pärast järgmine ka usa presidendiks.
Palju önne.....
All hope is gone